Digging up the past...
Aug. 18, 2002 - 4:04 a.m.

I went to find my password for britneyweb and I found Lisa's e-mail! So I e-mailed her. I'm excited to hear from her..

Then I found the first e-mail from Rad that I saved.. It got me all teary.. so I kept reading more.. Now I have tears running down my face. He was so sweet.

Then I opened one and knew it was all about sex and knew I couldn't even stand reading it. I don't know what it would do to me.

I miss him so much. I miss him here, how he was then. Things have changed so much since the beginning. I didn't realize it.. cuz it happened so slowly.

Everything's good now... But before.. I can really tell he liked me then.. and then he still liked me but he acted like friends.. now I know he doesn't like me...

I wish he could again before he comes back.. Life if things keep going well.. why wouldn't he? But see I don't even know all the reasons he thinks it wouldn't work out. So I can't answer myself what would change his mind or if he's right even.

I can't stop reading tho.. But I'm gonna keep crying harder..

It's changed from happy wistful to upset.. Deja Vu.. Old entry! (That's a first)

...

OMG why is every e-mail like sexual now? ARGH!

"Yeah I'll write a list." He never wrote a list. :`( ::cries more::

Aw I went from so happy.

"RadzSN [12:36 PM]: And only if she were more special than you

RadzSN [12:36 PM]: And how can that be?

Sparkleintherain [12:36 PM]: no one's more special

RadzSN [12:36 PM]: Exactly :-P "

AWW now happy crying. There's something I know he still feels.

AWw... " know the amount of time left is bad, I feel really bad that our time is so limited." I don't think I can read any more. :(
Goodnight, sweetie! I like you a lot!!"

Crying more:: ::Bawling::

Oh Fuck. I'm stopping.

I'd really like some nice guestbook entry? :(

I need a fucking hug.

I always go and do fucking stupid fucking things.. I should have just gone to bed, but noo...

I wish Rad could be here and hold me, it doesn't matter if we're friends or more.. I just really want that.

OK more good things (You see I couldn't even stop reading..)

RadzSN [11:04 PM]: Bye?
Sparkleintherain [11:04 PM]: haha
Sparkleintherain [11:04 PM]: i thought you left
Sparkleintherain [11:04 PM]: i said goodnight i thought that did the trick
Sparkleintherain [11:04 PM]: :P Sparkleintherain [11:04 PM]: bye youness
RadzSN [11:04 PM]: You have to say bye too

RadzSN [11:29 PM]: No, you're the one who overcame my better judgement :-)
Sparkleintherain [11:29 PM]: huh?
Sparkleintherain [11:29 PM]: what does that mean?
RadzSN [11:29 PM]: Cause you 're worth it

RadzSN [10:11 PM]: But I am very very happy you had a good time

See, he loves me. It doesn't matter in what way. The liking (like that) thing was key.. :

I want to post my latest lyrics.. it's how I feel now.. I don't know anything.. all I know is how I feel. I'm sort of lost.

But you know how worth it I still am? If he comes back he said he'll give me every chance I deserve. (To try to work out a relationship.)

Ahhh... I'm still so confused and lost... maybe I could just never admit it before... I need some help..

I'm all wet. :P ::Sigh:: Well, that's the end of that.. I got it out.. I guess this had to come.. I've been feeling too good... I had to get real at some point. Maybe I can feel good again?

I want to talk to Rad, tho.. tomorrow night.. (Wish he could come on days) he always makes me happy now. :)

That's what I was feeling earlier.. just happy and in love... That's all I've been feeling lately, pretty much.. OK I missed him while I was on vacation.. Things have been soo good. I should be positive about it.

If things are going to go good.. I think this is how they would go. They can't really be better.. I should be happy...

I guess I can go on and on ...

Goodnight.

Mood: Doi
Listening to: When I found You...Not a Girl...
About to: dunno

Posted by: Lucid-Dreamer
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